i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
