dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
