are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
