Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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