i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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