I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
