This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
