called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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