Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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