Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
