Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
