Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize