Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
