I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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