Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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