i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
