i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
