oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
