Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
