i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
