I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't shave. On purpose
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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