I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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