I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
