there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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