and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
