I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
