Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I won the penis lottery.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
