I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize