Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
