im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
