Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
