God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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