I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
