Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is wine microwaveable?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
