Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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