I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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