I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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