you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize