i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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