thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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