mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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