I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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