you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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