Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
