i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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