Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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