I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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