idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
