upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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