I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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