that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
