how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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