Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
