She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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