Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
