the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize