if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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