No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
