Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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