God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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