i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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