she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
