they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
