if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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