Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
