There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
