you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
