Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shame - the story of my life.
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