thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
